Then Wilbur will be required, by courtesy of updated computer tactics, to perform a triple Salchow, triple toe-loop to the thrill of gen z huddled over their mobile devices. If the plucky little pig cannot pull off this feat, Farmer Zuckerman will dispatch him to quick bacon-hood as opposed to glory at the state fair. (Fern did not comment as of presstime.)
How else would we compliment boney, red-carpet divas, Miss America, Mrs. America, Miss Teen USA, Miss USA, Miss Universe, America’s Top Model, and blushing brides for yet another season?
3) “This has been an AMAZING JOURNEY!”
That one drops out of the mouth of every person on a reality show who hangs on to the season finale. Particularly obnoxious are shallow players in “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette”—booked by agents in search of fast money made on fresh bodies. (If you want to comment on shows that sink to a lower depth, feel free.) For the sensible TV viewer, the vacuous “amazing journey” is the highway to cliché hell.
4 & 5) “I must leave it there. But we know this issue will continue as part of the NATIONAL CONVERSATION.”
Certain pundits repeat this lame closing after a two-minute pseudo debate between opposing political entities who have engaged in a shouting match littered with cherry-picked facts and quotes out of context.
I am perplexed as to which pundits to post as evidence. My YouTube examples could go on for 365 days uninterrupted. In fact, if I included the rising tide of spray-tanned, hair-sprayed, leggy, foundation-caked, lipstick-kissed Barbies outfitted in short skirts, southward-down tops, stiletto heels, and earring danglers . . . well . . . my blog might pick up more followers of the male persuasion. . . .
You are one AWESOME woman who twirled and twinkle-toed through an AMAZING JOURNEY, creating a NATIONAL CONVERSATION, indeed an authentic sensation.
Girl, you are the real deal.
P.S. I tolerated jumping-jack, swivel-hips Judge Bruno just to watch your segment. He delivers more spittle than Chris Matthews wound up on poll returns. I’m sure you felt it.
Paisley Abbey Gargoyle by Colin
Red Carpet by Greg Hernandez (Greg in Hollywood)
Gravel Road by Repat Coober
Lipsticks by Flickr use SpooSpa
Beloved since its release in 1952, Charlotte’s Web is a must-read classic for every home library. As Eudora Welty noted in a New York Times review, “It is just about perfect, and just about magical in the way it is done.” We may forever thank the rich imaginations of author E. B. White and illustrator Garth Williams. Please, please, read it to your babies.